Premonition
by Liberty131
Summary: Originally published on Quotev by RebelleHeart- the entire Divergent trilogy was Tris's aptitude test, thus making her a Premonition. Can she get back what she lost? Can she change the course of the war? I DON'T OWN THIS, OKAY! There will be Fourtris, rest assured. I'll try to update when RebelleHeart does. Possibly slightly OOC.
1. All a dream

_Can I be forgiven for all I've done to get here?_

_I want to be.  
I can.  
I believe it._

* * *

I sit up with a gasp, my hands pressing over my body to feel that I am still here, still solid, still breathing. Where am I? Didn't I just... die? Didn't David shoot me? Am I in the afterlife?  
I can feel the familiar coolness of metal beneath me, seeping through my thick gray robes and making me shiver.  
Hang on a second. Gray robes?  
I look myself down, and see the thin Abnegation girl I started out as, laying on a reclined metal chair. Just like... like at the aptitude test.  
My eyes flick up, alarmed, and I see someone who looks even more alarmed than I feel right now (probably because I'm so confused): Tori Wu.  
"Tori!" I manage to gasp out. "Wha... I... how am I here? How are YOU here? Is this the afterlife?"  
Her mouth opens and shuts again, like a goldfish, and no sound comes out. She looks like she just got slapped in the face, or punched in the stomach, or maybe even both. I notice that the tattoo on the front of her right shoulder isn't finished, the way it was when I saw her at Dauntless, and suddenly a creepy thought hits me. I feel cold all over, and it's not the chair.  
"Tori? Was that... was that all a dream? Was that whole time my aptitude test?"  
Still unable to speak, Tori nods her head.  
That was my aptitude test. There was never any war. No Bureau. No dying. No Tobias. I feel heavy and sad when I get to the last thing on the list. Tobias. Could I really have made him up?  
"Do you..." Tori stops and clears her croaking voice. "Do you remember your test results?"  
"You mean from the dream? Yes. Abnegation, Eru-"  
"Shush!" Tori hisses, startling me.  
"Oh, right. Sorry. Dangerous. What were my actual results? Dauntless, I'm guessing? Maybe Abnegation?"  
She looks frantically around the room, paranoid about cameras and being seen. She comes in close so that she is at eye level with me.  
"Do you remember how your brother told you how rare it was to have aptitude for three factions?" she asks in a low voice. I nod. "Well... let me explain the statistics of it to you. One in every hundred or so people are Divergent. It's very, very rare to have aptitude for more than one faction. However... there's about one in a hundred out of _that_ tiny portion of people that have the condition you do."  
I swallow hard. "Condition?"  
"It's like a Divergent, really... only far, far rarer and far, far more dangerous. That's why in the simulation, you dreamt you woke up and continued your life even when you didn't. There's a special chemical in your brain that reacts in a very unusual way with the serums, allowing them to continue in what is known as a premonition dream."  
My blood turns to ice. I feel like I might faint. "Pre... premonition?"  
Tori nods gravely. "Premonition."  
"But... but isn't that when you dream something, and then it happens in real life?" Tori's shifting silence gives me a clear answer. "That was real?! That's what's going to happen?!"  
"Unless you can think of a way to change the outcome," Tori says. "For example, if you thought it would be wisest to stay in Abnegation and protect them. Or if you thought it would be better to go to Erudite and try to stop them. But yes, that is what would happen if you hadn't had the warning."  
My head spins. I think I will be able to pull off the lie that the serum made me sick, because that's exactly what the shock has done. But what will I do then? What choice will I make?  
"Listen, you're a smart kid. And I'm not just saying that because you're part Erudite, I've seen it. You ARE smart, and brave, and selfless, whether you believe it or not. But this is your decision."  
"I can't do it," I whisper.  
"Sure you can. You should be thrilled, because you get the opportunity to do it over. You get a chance to save your parents, to save your faction, your city, your friends..."  
"Will," I say quietly. Tori nods.  
"You can do this, Tris. Or Beatrice. Or Bea. Depending on your choice." She gives a wonky, half-hearted smile. "You know what to do from here." She jabs her thumb towards the back door, and, shaking, I make my way over.  
"Tori," I say. She looks up at me. "You get to make new choices too, you know." She smiles.  
"I know. But right now I'm just going to process the new information."  
I remember her brother, George, and smile back a little. "Okay."  
I head out into the fresh air, and try to quell the spinning in my brain. I run over the events that apparently would have happened in my life as I trudge through the city, tossing my dried apple slices to the factionless man without batting an eye.  
I picked Dauntless. I battled initiation and fell in love with my instructor. I made it into the faction with flying colours. I found myself in the midst of a war, killed my friend and watched my family die. I hid out in Amity. I hid out in the Factionless. I hid out in Candor. I snuck back to Dauntless, then to Erudite. I was rescued and taken to Abnegation. Back to Amity, back to Erudite. I snuck outside the fence and into the Bureau where I was later shot and killed, therefore concluding the premonition. Now, I have to pick what I could do that would reverse all of that, or help it at any rate. I groan into my hands. Impossible.  
"Beatrice!"  
I jump at the sound of my name- a name I haven't heard for what feels like months- and see Caleb walking up to our house, Susan and Robert at his side. I have been sitting on the stoop in front of our house, thinking, for much longer than I realised.  
"Where did you go after testing?" Caleb asks me, frowning.  
I have a flurry of mixed emotions at the sight of his face- relief, anger, sympathy, confusion- but I stuff them down and manage a polite smile.  
"The serum that they gave us made me sick," I tell him, "so the lady administering my test sent me home. I'm feeling much better now, though."

He gives me a suspicious look, and says nothing. I can remember seeing that very same look before, but last time, in the dream, it confused me. Now I know that it is because he is Erudite, and he has studied the serum, knows the truth. Maybe he knows the truth about me.

I ignore the vaguely flirtatious conversation between Caleb and Susan, standing and letting myself into my house. I start on dinner, working from muscle memory and not paying attention in the slightest. The glint of the knife blade catches my eye, and a torrent of memories sweeps over me, threatening to carry me away.

Dauntless- initiation to be specific. Four throwing them at the target, then at me. Peter stabbing Edward. Me stabbing Eric. Me, running off on missions armed with nothing but. How can these memories feel so vivid, so _real, _when they were simply in my head the whole time?

"Need a hand?"

I jump to see Caleb at my side, hand extended to take the knife. Swallowing, I nod wordlessly and hand it to him, looking away quickly.

Caleb. Erudite. Backstabber. Traitor.

I shake my head to clear the thoughts. No. Caleb. Abnegation. _Brother. _He is the same boy he was this morning- which wasn't the morning I awoke in the hotel room, at Tobias's side, but in my Abnegation home, preparing for my aptitude test. The morning my mother cut my still-long hair. I pause again.

My mother. My parents are both alive, and any minute now they would walk in through that door, alive, alive, alive. I breath deeply to steady myself. I can't get too worked up over this. It was all a dream.  
_All a dream. _

* * *

Later, when I am alone in my room, I try to come up with a plan to save the Abnegation, but my brain is empty. What could I do differently? Which faction should I choose? Nothing comes to me. I feel doomed.

"Beatrice."

I look up, and see Caleb in my doorway.

"When we choose tomorrow, we must think of our families," he says, speaking quietly and slowly, "but-"

"We must also think of ourselves," I finish, managing a weak smile. He looks startled, the way I felt hearing it for the first time in the dream. "Goodnight, Caleb."

"Goodnight, Beatrice."

And I fall into a restless sleep, riddled with now-familiar voices chanting my name.

My choice awaits in the morning.


	2. Hungry flames

**A/n: Hi guys. I'm new to FFN, and not entirely familiar with this whole thing, so please tell me if I'm doing something wrong, breaking any rules, anything. I want to hear it! I'm excited about this!**

**There may be some m-rated content in further chapters but again, let me know what you think. This work is not edited by a beta, and any complaints will be passed on to RebelleHeart.**

The journey to the choosing ceremony feels endless, but that's necessary to let me mull over my decisions. What could I achieve by transferring to Erudite, for starters? Well, if I actually made it through initiation, then I could suck up to Jeanine and try to sabotage her plans from the inside... but I learned from the dream that she doesn't give up her secrets that easily, and I don't think I'm good enough of an actor to fake that, anyways. I can't transfer to Erudite.

What about Abnegation? By staying here, I could protect my family by ushering them away before the danger, but who knows if that would even be possible? Besides, I haven't been to Dauntless, and I have no skill or muscle to work with. I couldn't protect them if I tried, and I don't know what happened in the attack from the inside, either. I would get myself killed far quicker and at a far higher expense if I did that. I can't stay in Abnegation.  
That leaves Dauntless; Amity and Candor wouldn't make a difference in the slightest. By transferring there, I could work up the muscle and skill that I still currently lack, and figure out a way to find the attack serum and destroy it before the initiation ceremony. I could do it.  
I feel confident in my decision and tell myself that that is all I feel, that that is all I know, forcing myself to ignore any potential nerves or doubts. Dauntless is the faction I need to choose. It is the faction my life would be better in if I lived in a regular world, and it is the faction I can save more people in living in this messed-up world. Something of a smile lingers on my face, and remains there when Marcus calls my name up to the front of the room. I ignore him completely- he is just an Abnegation member, just a regular guy, definitely not the worst nightmare of my beloved- and slice neatly across my palm.  
Letting the blood pool in my outstretched hand for a moment, I scan my eyes over the room. I see my parents, so hopeful and innocent and concerned. Wishing with all their power for me to let my blood fall on the stones to stay with them as their daughter, their only child left. But if I do that, they'll die. We'll all die.  
I see Caleb, standing over with the Erudite, a bandage over his palm. His eyes are apologetic and guilty, but not wicked like the Caleb I knew in the dream. He is still just my brother. He doesn't have to do this; I could follow him, change his mind, keep him on my side, but what then? We couldn't make so much as a dent in the Erudite's war plans on our own. The only people I know who are good at making dents are the Dauntless.  
My eyes flicker to them, and my heart catches in my throat.  
Al. Christina.  
Will.  
I grit my teeth. Abnegation aren't the only one's who's lives are at stake. And that means that there is only one way to save them all. Suppressing a cry, I thrust my hand over the hungry flames.

* * *

"I'm Christina."  
I smile at her, taking in the already-familiar details of her face and feeling a torrent of relief at being able to see her again. "Tris," I say, extending a hand. I don't have to think about my name here. I know everything about myself that I can- and a lot about everyone else. Maybe too much, but that's a problem for another time.  
"Wow," Christina laughs, shaking my hand. "I never thought Stiffs would actually know how to handshake."  
I shrug. "Maybe that's because I'm not a Stiff. I'm Dauntless now."  
She smiles. "Optimistic."  
I shrug it off. It would be too complicated to try to explain the fact that my life- among thousands of others- is at risk with everything I say, and everything I do, even everything I am. Sometimes it's easier just to shrug.  
The train comes to it's destination at the rooftop, but does not stop. I am the first transfer to stand, dragging Christina to my feet with me.  
She squeals in terror. "We have to jump?"  
"No other way off," I yell over the wind. "Jump with me, jump by yourself, or don't jump and become factionless. It's your choice." She bites her lip and grips my hand with a single, strained nod. I take a deep breath through my nose and propel myself off the building, into the air. Christina screams over the shouts of the other transfers who are still in the train, and I grin widely. Oh, how I missed this.  
We scatter across the gravelly roof, and I laugh heartily as I brush myself off. "Oh, that was fun."  
"Fun, or crazy?" Christina raises an eyebrow.  
"It's Dauntless. Both, obviously."  
One by one, the other transfers take the leap, and I grimace and look away as one girl misses the building. Rita's sister. I'd forgotten about her.  
"Alright!" yells Max, stepping up to the ledge, ignoring Rita's tears and any other various commotions. "My name is Max, and I am one of the leaders here at Dauntless- a faction that, with any luck, you will soon become a part of." He smiles. "To get into the Dauntless compound, you're going to need to test your bravery a third time, by jumping off the building. I'm afraid that that is the __only __way in." A nervous chatter arises like mist from a forest on a winter morning. "Is anyone here brave enough to go first?"  
"I am," I call, without a moment's worth of hesitation.  
"Tris, what're you doing?" hisses Christina.  
"Jumping," I say calmly, stepping away and up to the ledge. I whip off my jersey as fast as I can.  
"Ooh, a Stiff flashing some skin! Scandalous!"  
I roll my eyes at Peter's heckling and throw the balled-up jersey into his face. Turning back to my goal, I barely have to breathe in before I am hurtling through the air towards the hole in the ground, the entrance to the Compound, the beginning of my mission. A shriek of joy escapes me, a whoop of Dauntless delight, and then I hit the net. It snaps around me, cradling me, and I laugh. I did it, for the first time, again. It really never gets old.  
The net tips, and a strong hand pulls me out and to my feet. My heart pounds in my throat, in my ears, in every inch of my being. A pair of dark blue eyes meet mine, their gaze every bit as intense and dreamlike as I can recall them. __Four__.  
"Thank you," I say lightly, surprised at how steady my voice remains despite the incredible liquid feeling of __crush __flowing through my veins.  
"Can't believe it," Lauren say from beside us, interrupting us with her swagger. "A Stiff, the first to jump? Unheard of."  
"There's a reason why she left them, Lauren," Four says, and my heart flutters, my brain cursing it for doing so. "What's your name?"  
"Tris," I tell him, confident, as if it's the name I have been stuck with since birth and not one that I conjured while under the effects of some strange kind of serum.  
"Tris," Lauren says, breaking in once again. "Make the announcement, Four."  
He nods, turning his neck so that I can see the black ink of his tattoo poking out from under his t-shirt. "First jumper- Tris!"  
The cavern erupts into cheers, and I start down the steps. I jump at the feeling of Four's hand, resting on my shoulder blade and making my skin burn through the thin fabric that separates us. "Welcome to Dauntless."


	3. Selflessness and bravery

"Tris!"

I roll over and see the glint of Christina's eyes in the dark, amidst the snoring of the other initiates. It startles me out from my thoughts of how to stop the war, and I focus on her face instead.  
"What?"  
"Are you awake?"  
I roll my eyes. "No, I'm sleep talking. What do you think?"  
She giggles, muffled by the blankets. "Sorry."  
"What do you want, anyways?"  
"I don't know, really. I'm just used to talking to my little sister to get to sleep."  
"And you want to talk to me, instead?"  
"I guess. Is that okay?"  
I sigh. Christina's my friend (or she will be, anyways), and I don't really see why not. It's not like Eric will care if we stay up late, or anything. "Sure. What do you want to talk about?"  
"What do you think about some of the new people we've met today?"  
I want to laugh at that question, want to tell her that nothing I've experienced today is new, that I did it all and more just yesterday, but instead I say, "I don't know. That 'Eric' guy seems a bit shifty, if you ask me."  
"I think he's just scary. Same with Four."  
"You think Four's scary?"  
"You don't? Did you see how he yelled at me?"  
"Oh, come on, you were asking for that. Anyone would've yelled at you. Let's face it, you're kind of a Candor smart mouth."  
Christina laughs. "You're not much for censoring the truth, either, I sense."  
_If only you knew._  
"So, seriously, you don't think Four's scary at all? On any level?"  
"Did I look like I did at dinner?" I managed to replay out dinner exactly the way it happened in the dream, as I'm hoping to be able to do for a lot of the sticky situations I'm going to be getting in pretty soon.  
"Not really," she confesses, "but I still think that you have a death wish."  
I look at the ceiling. _How long do I have, then, before it's granted? Will my second chance bring a sooner death or a later breath? And what can I do to get Four to notice me quicker?  
"_And, you know," Christina continues, "it could be a little more than a _death _wish."  
"Like what, a slow-agonizing-death wish?"  
"Noo…" the pitch of her giggle makes her reference clear.  
"Oh, whatever."  
"We'll see, Tris, we'll see."  
Oh, we'll see, all right.

* * *

Training goes by in a flash for me; I know the techniques, even if it takes a little time to master them in real life. I notice Four's eyes on me more than once, but force myself to ignore it. I have to. I don't have a choice.  
I feel like life was put on a fast forward, and I'm just going through the motions as I wait for what I know is coming.  
The next thing I know, I'm standing in front of Tori in the tattoo parlour. She raises her eyebrows when she notices me.  
"Why, hello there," she says wryly. "Fancy seeing you here."  
"I think you know what tattoo I want," I say. She nods and readies her needle. I make myself as comfortable as I can in the chair.  
"I didn't think you'd be stupid enough to come back," she murmurs in a low tone as she pulls my shirt away from my collarbone. "What were you thinking?"  
"I'm not staying," I whisper. "I need strength. Once that part of initiation's over, I have a plan. I'm going to sneak back home and take as many of the Abnegation as possible into hiding."  
"That's bullshit," Tori replies. "It's not the __whole__ plan, in any case. I've seen inside your head; I know how you think. Do you really think you can lie to me?"  
"Yes," I answer. She raises her eyebrows at me again.  
"Don't do anything stupid" is the only thing she says.  
Nodding, I close my eyes and wait for the tattoo to be done.

* * *

Days pass. I beat Peter in our fight, remembering Four's advice from the dream. He doesn't leave this time; he stays to watch, nodding to himself without noticing, as if he's impressed. I have to remind myself to focus multiple times, and Peter gets a few good shots in those times. It isn't easy to beat him, but doing so gives me faith.  
We go to the fence, and Robert approaches me, as he did last time. This time, he comments only on my visible strength, and doesn't suggest I return home. I tell him, after Molly leaves, that when something important happens, it's okay to pick sides, before I walk away and leave him back to the truck. Four stops talking to Shauna to tell me what I did was unwise. I tell him that wise isn't always the most important thing in staying alive. He says nothing, so I return to the train before I can do anything stupid. Anything _more_ stupid, anyway.  
We play paintball, and Four chooses me to go on his team. I ponder the idea of climbing the Ferris wheel or just leading everyone to where I already know the flag is, and I choose the Ferris wheel. Four will never trust me if I don't give him a reason to; a reason I know has worked in the past. I comment on how well we can work through his fear of heights, and he replies only with a grunt. The simple noise is made from his struggle through fear, but an image is immediately projected into my mind of the last night the two of us spent together before the premonition ended. I shiver.  
I avoid the rung that broke on me last time on the way down, and we end up winning the game. I let Christina take the flag.  
Now, I stand still, my eyes locked on Four's as he throws the knives at my head. I am ready for the sting as the knife hits my ear, and keep my face devoid of any emotion, not even allowing myself to wince.  
I resist the urge to shake Eric off when he puts his hand on my shoulder.  
"I should keep my eye on you," he murmurs, his voice nastier and closer to me than I remember. I suppress a shudder.  
The others file out of the room, so that it's just Four and I left. Last time I was angry. This time I am aching. I don't know how this will turn out.  
He steps toward me. "Is your ear okay?" he asks quietly.  
I swallow past the lump in my throat. I could play out this scene as I remember, and hope everything turns out the same. But I don't want to.  
"Yes," I reply, equally quiet. The tension in the room stifles me. "Thank you."  
"Thank you?" he echoes. He sounds confused, even though last time he told me that I __should__ thank him.  
"For helping me," I supply. His face clouds over, thoughtful. I see his eyes again, the dark blue with the dart of light blue in the left iris. I feel like I'm falling just looking at them. "I know you don't intend to hurt me," I say, even as I beg myself to stop. "If you wanted to hurt me, you would have already."  
He frowns now, cocking his head to one side. My stomach twists.  
"I don't understand how no one in Abnegation noticed you more," he says slowly. "It must have been so obvious. You're Dauntless through and through."  
My heart flips at the words. I'm not falling; now I'm floating. He told me I belonged here, once, when he caught me in the training room, but this is grander even than that. It's more meaningful, this; yet he doesn't even know half as much about me now as he did then. My blood heats. I held his hand after that; I remember how it felt, when we used to do that. Warm, soft, comforting, protected. I miss him, which is ridiculous, because I've never __really__ had him, not technically.  
I feel myself moving closer, unauthorised. He doesn't move away. I can feel the heat radiating off his body; my chest aches with want. I try to stop myself, but I keep moving forward. When was it during training that he fell in love with me? He never told me. Does he already like me now? Is it possible, is it possible I could have him already?  
I stop, barely an inch away from him, and look up at him. He looks down, both of us looking, just looking, not speaking, not moving.  
"I'm from Abnegation," I say, soft. "It's... it's when I'm acting selflessly that I'm at my bravest."  
"I've noticed," Four says. His voice is soft, too, softer than I ever heard it during training in the premonition.  
"I have a theory," I say, suddenly, "that selflessness and bravery aren't all that different." He frowns, deeply. I just stole his thought; he has a right to. "Some people don't understand things like that, but you do, don't you?"  
Four is still for a moment. Then his hard expression returns- his Four mask, as I always thought of it, his shield- and he steps back from me.  
"We need to go," he says. His voice is firm, but not mean or angry. I recognise his emotion; fear. He is afraid of loving me, the same way I was of him. Afraid of the consequences; afraid of losing me, afraid of everything. I understand him, but my longing tends to have a way of piercing through my fear, the same way his rejection pierces my longing like a pin to a balloon.  
"Right," I say. I try to keep my voice airy, but even I can hear the disappointment in it. "Don't want to miss lunch, do we?"  
"Tris."  
I stop, to look at him, hopeful, though I shouldn't be. "Yeah?"  
"I think you... I think you do well, acting selflessly, and everything," he says, scratching the back of his neck. "But... don't let the wrong people find out, okay? They..."  
"They care about my intentions," I say softly. "Don't worry To- Four. I won't let them."  
He blinks, confusion evident in his eyes again, then nods. Feeling another swell of desperation in my chest, I turn and leave before it can escape me and ruin everything.  
All in good time.


	4. Melting

"Tris?"  
I look up from the punching bag, wiping my brow. Christina stands in the doorway, frowning.  
"What are you doing here? Do you know your Mom's here? Pushing through the crowds looking for you and everything."  
My chest aches. I had considered going to meet her anyway, but I knew that that was just too complicated and decided to hole up in the training room instead. I'm planning on saving her, anyway; she will understand, eventually.  
"Yeah, I know," I say, getting back into my stance. I swing at the punching bag, wincing as the rough fabric tugs at my raw knuckles. The bag swings on its hook, and I shuffle in a semi circle before swinging again. I picture the bag as my enemies; the bag is Eric, the bag is Jeanine, the bag is David. I hit it, hard, and grit my teeth. Christina makes her way closer, watching intently.  
"Family history?" she asks in a low voice. "I mean, your Mom talked to me, and she seemed nice enough, but I've heard things about the Abnegation, and..."  
"What? No!" I scowl at her. "I just... don't know that seeing her would do me any good. It's a selfish choice, but I'm allowed to make those now."  
Christina nods. "Al skipped out, too," she says. "It's weird; we've always been told it's the parents who don't come to visiting day, but in our case, it's the kids."  
"Yeah," I say. "Weird." I punch the bag so hard the chain it hangs from rattles. I won't let my family die, I won't, I won't. Another swing; another rattle.  
"Well." Christina clears her throat. "I guess I'll leave you to it, then... don't go too crazy on this."  
"I won't."  
I don't see her leave, but I hear the door. Then I go back to the punching bag.

* * *

"Tris?"  
This time the voice belongs to Four. I don't look up; that won't do me any good either. I punch the bag, my knuckles sliding from the blood. Mine.  
"Tris, have you been in here all day?"  
I huff a little. "Yeah, I have. I kind of need to be a good fighter."  
"Yeah, well, you kind of are." Four comes to stand behind me. "You're a lot better than I first thought," he admits. "I didn't expect you to know so much strategy."  
"I've been taught well," I say. This time I give him a pointed look, to make sure he knows what I mean. I see a slight blush creeping up his neck, though he tries to hide it with his expression. Nothing new there.  
"Maybe a little too well," he says. He takes me by the elbows and a shock of electricity goes through me. I step back with him, and he turns me around to look at him. My heart is in my throat.  
"I was like you when I was an initiate," he says. "Spending all my time holed up in here, training. My instructor was the one who got me out, convinced me I needed to make friends."  
"I have friends," I say.  
"I know you do," he says. "You also have an extremely high rank. You don't need to spend this much time training."  
"You don't understand," I huff, yanking myself free. "I need to do this."  
"If you're just trying to avoid Visiting day," he says in a low voice, "then yeah, I do understand."  
I stop, look at him. I can tell he isn't lying. Even though Marcus would never come here for him, I can see that he would want to hide anyways. I can see the obsessive streak Amar had told me he had; see it in myself. I am more like him than I was the first time I was here. Is there a reason for that? Is it on purpose, or is it subconscious?  
"I need to be able to fight," I say in a low voice. "It's important."  
He sighs. "Look, I can't force you to believe in your talents," he says. "But I don't suppose it would take much convincing to get you back to the dorm, if I told you the ranks went up right before I came to find you?"  
"I don't care about the ranks."  
His eyebrows go up.  
"You already told me I have an extremely high rank," I explain. "If I'm not in danger of being cut, I don't need to worry."  
Four starts to say something, then sighs. "Dauntless through and through, alright," he mutters. "Stubborn to the bone."  
I feel a flare of anger, and hit the punching bag, hard. I cry out, forgetting the pain in my knuckles. Looking at them, they are more blood than flesh, torn open from the impact of my punches.  
Four stops and turns back to look at me. His eyes go to my hands, and his eyebrows raise.  
"You can't keep going like that," he says, a finality to his tone. "Come with me. I've got some antiseptic and bandages back at my apartment."  
"My hands," I spit, "are none of your concern."  
"Come on, Tris," he says. Also with finality. "Don't make me carry you there."  
I don't think he really would- and if he would, I don't exactly think I would object to it- but he doesn't really have to anyways. We both know that.  
I walk with him, and he locks the training room door behind him.  
"I don't know what it is that you're trying to get good at fighting for," he says, walking ahead of me with long strides, "but you won't be able to do it if you've worn your knuckles down to the bone."  
I scowl. He's right. I hate that sometimes, no matter how in love with him I am.  
He lets me into his apartment. It is just how I remember it; simple and plain, but a safe haven, a place that calms me on sight. _Fear God alone_ painted on an otherwise plain wall. The smell of him, thick, heavy and everywhere. I feel dizzy; intoxicated.  
_Focus, Tris, focus._  
Four gets his medical kit out from the bathroom and opens it. I perch on the stool opposite him and say nothing as he deals to my hands. If I say something, it will be something stupid, and I will regret it. Silence is my only option.  
The antiseptic stings, and I wince. I clutch his hands without realising it, then carefully pull my fingers away from his, face hot. He glances at me, making my cheeks burn even more, then looks back down. My cheeks are not all that is burning; I want him, want him so bad. The smell of his is so heavy, the sight of him filling my eyes, my every sense heightened, aching for him. My heart is going to explode out of my chest; it will melt into my shoes if he decides to smile at me.  
"There," he says, bandaging them up. "Lay off the obsessive training, and you should be set. We start on stage two of training tomorrow, so you shouldn't need to fight at all."  
"Okay," I say, nodding. "I should go get some dinner."  
Four freezes. "You haven't eaten?"  
I shake my head. He shakes his in return. It's his 'you're an idiot, Tris' head shake.  
"It's late, Tris," he says. "I mean, the cafeteria will still be open, probably, but I doubt there's much left."  
"That's okay," I say, getting up. "I can-"  
"Tris." He grabs me by the wrist to stop me from leaving. I do, immediately. "You have to eat properly. Don't you know how to take care of yourself?"  
"Of course I do," I snap. "I also know that having a bran muffin or the leftover salad that no one wants for dinner isn't the end of the world."  
He sighs. "Just... stay here. I've got some food, you can eat with me."  
My heart slams against my chest, again and again, faster and faster. I shake my head quickly.  
"No!" My voice comes out as squeak, so I clear my throat before I try again. "I mean, it's okay, I don't want to intrude..."  
"Tris." Four leans in close, too close, to look at me. "It's okay, you know. You won't be intruding. Think of it as giving me some company while you take care of yourself."  
He smiles a little. _Melting_...  
"Okay," I sigh. It's not fair that he knows how to manipulate me so easily. "I'll stay. Do you want me to help?"  
He shakes his head. "Just make yourself comfortable."  
I spy his bed in the corner and a wicked idea of 'comfortable' drifts into my mind, but I shake it out fast.  
_C'mon Tris. FOCUS_.  
"Are nachos okay?" Four asks. "I've got some leftovers I can heat up, if you want some."  
"Sure," I say. "I've never had those either."  
He smirks a little. _Melting. Just a smirk, but still melting_.  
By some miracle, I manage to make casual small talk until the nachos are ready. Four settles into the rhythm of it, smiling so much I don't know how I'm still upright at this point, enough that I have to keep reminding myself he hasn't seen what I have, isn't in the same place that I am. My hands clench into fists, even though it hurts.  
_Focus. Focus. Focus._  
He laughs at me as I cough eating the nachos, not used to the mild spice. He offers me a drink, and I down it quickly, both of us laughing. It feels normal, so normal, _too_ normal. But at least it satisfies my heart for the time being.  
"Thanks," I say as we finish cleaning up together (the fact that this is an Abnegation courtship ritual not escaping me). "Sorry if I-"  
"Hey, we agreed you weren't intruding," he says. "Keeping me company and getting something good to eat, remember?"  
"Yeah," I nod. "I just... thanks."  
He smiles again. "Your welcome."  
"Ha, yeah." I back away, scratching my neck. "So... see you tomorrow?"  
He nods. "Stage two."  
I smile. "Bye."  
Neither of us moves, just smiling at each other. I force myself out the door before I do something worse.  
I'm about halfway back to the dorms when I hear the scream; a familiar scream. _Edward_. I run the rest of the way back to the dorm and burst inside just as the lights go on. Everyone is screaming; someone was sick. The butter knife is wedged into Edwards eye. Two bodies budge past me, escaping, and it doesn't take a genius to work out who. All it takes is a premonition.  
I push the thought from my mind and go to Edward, helping him like I did last time, like my mother would have. It happens in fast motion.  
It isn't until after Christina and I finish cleaning the dorm that I notice the rankings, posted on a board on the wall.  
Edward was first, just as he was last time. But Peter is third.  
I am second.


	5. Bravery or insanity

The days we have free between Edward's attack and the beginning of stage two initiation weigh heavily on my mind as I try to sleep the next night. My assault will surely occur within those days, and I will have to be on my guard. I jump at every sound, terrified, but there isn't a thing I can do, I know it, know I will get kidnapped just like last time. Four probably won't be around to save me this time, either. Lucky me.  
I hear footsteps outside and jump.  
"Guys, forget it. You must think I have no morals."  
Al's voice.  
"No, but we do think you're desperate," sneers Peter's voice. "Edward's gone now, sure, but you're still close to the bottom. If we get her out of here, you stay. And we can't do that without your help."  
"Yeah," jeers Drew.  
Al, Peter and Drew. Standing in the doorway, blocking my escape, discussing my demise. Cold sweat spreads over my body.  
"She's my friend," Al snaps. "I won't help you."  
"Yes, you will," Peter hisses. "It's her or you, and you know it."  
I take a deep breath.

__Sometimes selflessness and bravery are the same thing. __

__Bravery or insanity; sometimes they're the same thing__.  
I throw back my covers and stand on the cold stone floor. I step toward the door, slowly, carefully. I take another deep breath. I am right next to them now, even if they don't know it.  
"I can't," Al says breathlessly.  
"Maybe you won't do it yourself," Peter mocks, "but you won't stop us, either."  
"Yeah," Drew echoes.  
"I..." Al trails off. No, he wouldn't save me, but he won't try to kill me either. It's an improvement- only because the simulations haven't broken him yet. This is my chance; now or never.  
"Thanks, Al," I say loudly, startling the three of them, "but coming __second__ in ranks, I'd like to think I can take care of myself."  
"Get her!" Peter hisses through gritted teeth. He and Drew lunge at me, and I duck, swinging my leg around in an attempt to trip them. I don't have enough weight behind me to do it, but I make contact with their shins, making them stumble and curse. I hear Al running away and groan inwardly. Utterly useless.  
Peter grabs me by the leg, which is still outstretched, and hauls it out from under me. I scream, hoping to alert the rest of the initiates to it, but I hear a door slam and a lock click. My heart sinks; Drew must have stolen a key. He's locked everyone in.  
Drew grabs me by the shoulders and together with Peter starts to drag me toward the chasm. I thrash in their grip and scream, scream myself hoarse.  
__Bravery or insanity; they're sometimes the same thing__.  
How could I be so stupid?  
All I can see in my head is the faces of the dead- or the soon-to-be-dead, anyway. Me among them. I got a second chance, and I blew it. I don't get another, and this is the real one anyways. How could I blow it?  
Peter and Drew struggle to lift me to the railing, and I twist in their grip. They curse again, and I fall to the ground on the side of the railing- the safe side- with a terrible scream. I feel pain; kicking and punching, trying to knock me out so they can finish the job. I keep screaming, again and again, louder and louder, until the pain stops. I sit up, struggling, and see Peter and Drew pressed to the ground, knocked away from me. Four is pinning them to the ground.  
Four. He came for me, he came for me, he came. I feel relief like never before.  
"Four," I croak weakly. He turns and crawls over to me.  
"Tris," he breathes. Drew turns, moaning; Peter is unconscious.  
I curl my fingers into Four's shirt, pulling him closer. I try to stand despite the terrible agony surging through my body, but I wobble and nearly fall. Four eases an arm under my knees and gathers me into his arms. I allow it, trying to relax into him, relishing the feeling of having him close again.  
"I did something stupid," I whimper.  
"Shh," he whispers. "I've got you. You're okay. It's okay."  
I let my head loll back on his shoulder and collapse into the silence.


	6. Pretend a little vulnerability

**A/n: So, I got my first review! I was suggested to put this under Tris OC since she is acting differently, but to reply to that, I think that dying can kind of change a person. (RebelleHeart says: Agreed, but if it suits better, taking their advice would be your best hope.) I'm certainly happy to do this if you still think it is necessary, but if you agree that her changes are justified it will stay the same. So, it's up to you!**

**Looong chapter. Enjoy.**

_Fear God alone._

Maybe I have a reason to if this is the kind of life he sets out for me.

I groan and clutch my head, hunching over myself. God... I thought I didn't get hurt so bad this time...

"Hey."

I hear rushing footsteps as Four hurries to my side. I feel his arms go around me in an attempt to comfort me. It works; the pain is still there, but it's easier to ignore. I relax into him without thinking twice about it.

"It's okay, Tris. I've got you. Are you okay?"

I groan again. "Oh, Tob- Four... I've been so stupid..."

"It's okay, it's okay. You're okay now."

It's strange how soft and considerate he's being, I think. I wonder if my being nicer to him has made him decide to do the same. A desperate part of me wonders how much longer I'll have to wait until I can be back with him again, but I tell myself to be patient.

Good things come to those who wait.

"I shouldn't have gone out there," I groan. "They were blocking the doorway, and I could hear them talking about trying to get me, and I got up anyways... I thought I could take them... why..."

"Everybody makes stupid decisions," Four says firmly, brushing tears from my cheeks. Sparks sear across my skin. _Oh, please, touch me!_ "Especially initiates. I've seen a lot worse in the few years I've been here... you're lucky I found you."

I consider asking his faction of origin, just to see if he'll tell me, but I don't. Instead, I ask, "What were you doing there? I thought you'd be in for the night."

"You left your jacket here," he says, gesturing to the chair where I left it. "I was heading to the dorms to return it to you."

Something in his voice sounds strange. I can feel his cheek against my hair; it's hot, blushing. Is he lying? Why else would he be coming to see me? Two words from when we were in Candor headquarters together, before we left the city, slip into my mind- _ulterior motives_\- and I dismiss the thought as quickly as I can.

I start to cry without warning, sobbing as I think of everything- all the people whose lives may as well be on my hands in a short matter of time, all my responsibilities and the stupid mistakes proving I may not be up to the task. Four holds me tighter, soothing me, and I cry harder thinking of him- the real him, the him that he could be, the him that he _will _be, the him that he is. The lies I told him, how I hurt him- how did his life go on, or, rather, how _would _it have gone on, after my death? I'll never know, and hopefully, neither will he.  
"I want to hurt them," Four says quietly. "I don't like that I want that- I shouldn't want that, but I do."  
I don't say anything at first. I am too surprised; that's a big secret, or at least it would be if it wasn't for my 'condition'. He's opening up to me. I don't know how to react.  
"They're scared," I say. "Scared of me. Because I'm beating them in the ranks."  
Four nods a little. "If they weren't so close to the top themselves- Peter, at least- I would say they have a reason to be."  
My body warms at the compliment. I scold it mentally but of course, it doesn't listen.  
"Four," I say, quietly. "Do you think _I _have a reason to be scared right now? Or am I being silly?"  
I know I should be, know the reasons, but I can't stop the words from flowing out. Four's words from the premonition pulse through my head: _Pretend a little vulnerability_.  
Four pauses, choosing his words carefully. "I think you should be careful around the other initiates," he says slowly. "See if you can get some help from your transfer friends, maybe. But right now, you're safe. I promise you that."  
I let myself lean into him just a little bit more, almost snuggling, but careful not to take it too far. He seems to take it as a sign of my exhaustion from the day- which is definitely starting to catch up with me- and comforts me for a few moments more.  
"You should get some rest," he says quietly. "You can have my bed for the night. I'll take the floor."  
"You don't have to take the floor," I say. I want- desperately, more than anything- for him to share the bed with me, to sleep an entire night- an entire _life_\- with his arms wrapped around me the way they are now. But all good things must come to an end.  
"I'm fine," he says, giving me a little squeeze. "Tell me if you need anything. I'm going to go get some blankets."  
He heads off into another room, and I feel cold and small, alone in the world without him. I tuck my knees up to my chin and will myself not to cry again. There is a line where vulnerability turns to weakness, and I'm determined not to cross it. He fell for me being me last time. Am I 'me' enough this time for it to happen again?

* * *

I don't expect to sleep much, but the fatigue of being holed up in the training room an entire day knocks me out not long after my head hits the pillow. Four tucks me into bed, my vulnerability act paying off, and I can still feel his palm pressed to my cheek as I drift off.  
I can hear the shower running when I wake up the following day. Four's blankets are splayed out over the floor, his pillow still creased from his head laying on it. I take a deep breath in through my nose; everything smells intoxicatingly _him_. Desire tightens my stomach.  
I try to cling to the thoughts stirred up within me for as long as possible, but it isn't too long before my mind goes right back to where it seems to belong now; my premonition. What I can do to change it.  
Fighting training is finished- today we will be starting stage two, simulations. The serum reacts with my brain and continues the simulations to show me my life after I wake, and I don't know how to control it. If Four injects me with the serum, he will see into my life, and he will know.  
But I trust him.  
Maybe the danger is not so imminent as it seems.

* * *

Fear hammers in my chest as Four guides me into the simulation room, my palms clammy.  
I pulled off everything I needed to this morning, acting afraid and vulnerable at breakfast and ignoring Al because I haven't thought of what to say to him yet.

I managed to sneak away to Tori to tell her what happened, and she gave me a chip containing the data from the aptitude test. She said it was the only way she could erase the simulation. She told me I might need it for Four later.

I don't know what to do.  
Four explains how the serum works, injects me, and then looks into my eyes, close. Longing pierces my panic, and his eyes are all I see, all I can think of.  
"Be brave, Tris," he whispers. Then he disappears.

* * *

My family sit before me, tied to chairs, innocent. I recognise this fear, but it's bigger this time.  
I'm surrounded by a _crowd_ of people, all tied to chairs. Will. Christina. Marlene. Uriah. Tori. Four. My heart constricts. The evil force commanding me to kill them is different this time, too, not just Jeanine- it's Jeanine and David and Marcus and Eric, every evil I have ever faced, all poised to kill.  
"You have failed us, Tris," Four whispers. Shock washes over me, and pain wracks by body, unrelenting.  
I was not expecting this fear. Fear of failure.  
"You knew, Tris," Tori accuses me. "You knew what would happen, you had the warning, and still, you failed..."  
"All these people," Marcus hisses, his voice in my ear. I shudder. "All these people, relying on you, and now, they will die... because of _you_..."  
"No," I croak, but my voice is strangled, quiet. "I can fix this."  
"It's over now," Jeanine cackles. "You can't fix _anything_. This isn't a simulation anymore, Beatrice."  
I want to scream at her that she's wrong, that this is a simulation, but two thoughts stop me, one after another.  
The first is that I need to hide my abilities in the simulation as much as I can.  
And the second is that the fear serum is different, it reacts differently; for all that I know, this could be the premonition. This could be real.  
The evil forces separate and swarm over the crowd, one after another. Marcus lifts a belt, bringing it down against Caleb until blood is all I see and he lays, battered and unbreathing, on the ground. Jeanine injects a serum into Christina's neck, and she screams and spasms before collapsing in death. Eric shoots my parents in the head, one after the other, and David follows suit with the rest of my friends. I am held back by an invisible force. I can't move. I can't save them.

Then Four, the last one left, gets to his feet and makes his way toward me, the bonds keeping him to the chair miraculously disappearing. The evil forces fade, and so do the bodies and the empty chairs, and then he is standing in front me, all I can see and all there is left. His eyes. So blue.

"Four," I croak, because I can't say anything else. His real name burns my throat, as if it was branded there, but this is a simulation and I can't say it. All I can say is Four. Maybe it's a good thing I can't move.

"Tris," he says quietly. Then, as if he's read my mind, "You're safe here. You can say it."

I wonder what the real Four is thinking, watching this simulation. He's probably disturbed.

Simulation Four's face constricts, pained. "You don't think that I'm the real Four?"

My spine prickles. This is scaring me. Maybe that chemical in my brain that turned my aptitude test into a premonition turns a fear simulation into a fear landscape. Maybe this is just another fear.

But what am I afraid of?

"You know who I am," Four whispers. "You know you do. So why don't you say it?"

My throat is dry. "No," I croak. "I can't say it. Not here."

"Why not?" He hisses.

"Because..." My mind ticks. What can I say without revealing I'm a Divergent? "Because we're being watched."

We both look to the left, where I will for a member of Dauntless to be standing. I see two children, dressed in black. The girl has her blonde hair piled in a bun atop her head, her eyes curious blue. The boy has brown hair, short- Abnegation short. His eyes are a deep, mysterious blue. My heart skips a beat.

The children are me and Tobias, our gray clothes exchanged for black. My fear of discovery spikes, and I turn back to Four with a fake smile.

"See?" My voice wobbles. "Witnesses. I can't say your name."

"You know me, though." He says.

Throat tight, I nod. He leans in so I can taste his breaths, and longing pulses through me.

"Good."

I feel the cool metal of the chair underneath me. I'm back. I got an extra fear in my simulation, but no premonition. I can pull off the lie this time.

I open my eyes and Four stands over me. He's frowning.

"Let's go out the back," he says.

He guides me out the door and stops me in the blind spot between the two cameras.  
"That was..." The crease between his eyebrows deepens. "I've never seen a simulation like that before."  
"Oh?" I shift awkwardly, heart hammering. "Well, there's... there's always a first time."  
He frowns again. "Tris, what were your aptitude test results?"  
"Abnegation," I say smoothly. "Why? You don't think I'm one of those crazy 'Divergent' myths, do you?"  
"It's not a myth," he says. "Trust me; this is my second year training initiates, I think I would know. And I think it's definitely a possibility, although like I said, I haven't experienced a simulation like that before."  
The only words in my head are ones from him, the flurry of assurances I collected over the months my premonition ran over, when suddenly one screams louder than the rest: _pretend a little vulnerability_.  
I blink until tears well up in my eyes. "I just..." I gulp a little. "I'm really scared, I... I almost _died_ last night, Four, I... I don't know what I'm doing here, and I just sat down in a chair with a needle in my neck to watch my family _die_, I..."  
"Hey." He's softer now, both voice and expression. "It's okay, Tris. I'm not going to let anything happen to you."  
Another wave of tears builds behind my eyes, real this time. I miss him, I miss him so much. I want him to know me; want him to remember me. But he can't.  
After all, you can't remember something that you never knew, can you?  
Before I know what I'm doing, my forehead is leaning against his chest, every inch of me aching for just a moment's reprieve. My wish is granted when he loops his arms around me, loosely, in a feeble attempt at comfort. The rigidity in my bones relaxes into liquid.  
"Can I ask you a question, Tris?" he asks softly.  
"Anything," I breathe. I curse myself for the reverence in my voice.  
"Why was I in your simulation?" he asks quietly. "Do you know my real name?"  
My heart pounds again. "You were in my simulation because of what you represent," I say. "Dauntless. You're the only Dauntless member I'm familiar with."  
"That only answers one of my questions."  
I think for a moment. "You're familiar to me," I say carefully, hoping he'll attribute that to our shared faction of origin. "I don't know why, or from where. I just know you look familiar."  
He nods, and pulls me to him again. I close my eyes, making the world black.  
Too black.  
I open them again, expecting to see the dark fabric of his t-shirt, but instead I see the bright lights of the simulation room, and I feel the cold metal chair under my body.  
_Oh. No._  
Four stands in front of me, his eyes wild with fear and confusion.  
"What," he says, voice cracking, "was that?"


	7. Tobias My love

My hands shake. "I-"  
He shakes his head, rapidly. "No. I- not here. Come on." He grabs me by the wrist and wrenches me outside, not quite as gently as I would have liked, and I stumble to keep up. He leads me to the blind spot between the cameras. Again.  
I was foolish to think that the premonition wouldn't come this time, just because it was a slightly different serum- foolish to let my guard down. But this is real, now, I know that much. His eyes are wild as they meet mine.  
"I don't even know where to start," he says, his raspy laughter unconvincing.  
"Me neither," I say quietly.  
His eyes meet mine. "You are a Divergent, aren't you? I knew Divergents could manipulate simulations, but... _create new ones_..."

I sigh. I have to tell him the truth- he needs to hear it almost as much as I need to say it. The trouble is finding a place to start.

"I'm not your standard Divergent," I say. His brow furrows at the obvious oxymoron, but he allows me to continue. "You see, Divergents are about one in a hundred people. But... out of that tiny portion of people, one in a hundred of _them _have the condition I do. It's called a premonition."

His stare goes cold. "A premonition?"

I nod. "It's a _kind _of Divergent. I have this chemical in my brain that the serum reacts with, allowing the simulation to continue in what is known as a premonition dream. So, in other words... if we hadn't seen the end part to the simulation, we would currently be having the same conversation we saw there."

"So..." Four scratches the back of his head. He looks like he's having a hard time processing it; I can't say I blame him. It's hard to believe. "How... I don't understand..."

"I saw my whole life in the aptitude test," I say quietly. "It was longer than that simulation, but not by as much as one might hope. That's what I'm working on now. I'm trying to... fix things."

"That's what Jeanine was saying in the dream," he realizes.

I nod. "Exactly. It scares me, to know so many things that nobody else does, and to have so much responsibility, so many lives depending on me, but..."

"Wait." He frowns. "In the simulation, I... you said you knew me." His brow furrows again, a look of deep thinking and concentration that would once have mistaken for anger.

"That's right," I say quietly.

He blinks. "How? Why was I- would I be- in your life? How would you know me?" He knows simulation-him wasn't talking about me knowing him as my instructor.

I take a deep breath. It's now or never.

I take a step forward, closer, praying that this is the right thing to do. Then, ever so slowly, I rise to my tiptoes and press my lips to his.

He is still for a moment, in shock. So am I; I never thought I would feel his lips on mine again. He doesn't push me away, and, slowly, he kisses me back, almost experimenting. The kiss is so soft, so gentle, so tender, so _innocent_, much more so than any other we've- I've- experienced. I remember this is my first kiss. Again. My second first kiss.

Slow and hesitant, I part my lips from his and rest our foreheads together, looking deep into his eyes. I hardly dare breathe as he looks back. Finally, in his eyes, I don't see Four; I see Tobias. _My love_.  
"Your name is Tobias Eaton," I say quietly. "You came from Abnegation; you transferred to Dauntless to escape Marcus, your abusive asshole of a father. You have only four fears, hence the nickname. Your mother isn't really dead; she's a leader of the factionless, and you were considering leaving Dauntless to join her after this year's initiates. You have a tattoo of all the factions on your back, and the Dauntless flames on your front. I am in love with you," I whisper, "and there was a time- or there will be a time- when you love me, too."  
He blinks back, his next breath ragged. It's a hell of a lot to take in.  
"Wait," he croaks. "I-"  
"I know it's a lot," I say. "I'm sorry. But this might help explain some of it." I pull the chip out of my pocket and press it into his palm. "This is my aptitude test recording. Tori gave it to me to give to you. You'll have to watch it somewhere you can't be monitored."  
He opens his mouth as if to say something, then closes it again and nods firmly.  
"Right," he says, his voice tight. He clears his throat, scratches the back of his neck. "You should head back to the dorms, while I finish up. I'll check this out later. I..."  
"I know," I say again. "I know. I'm sorry. I..." I lace my fingers with his, almost involuntarily. "This will make more sense to you later, but... I love you." I peck his lips, gently, then release his hand and turn down the hallway without another word.

* * *

"Tris? Hello? Earth to Tris?"  
I blink out of my stupor and glance at Christina. "Huh?"  
"You weren't even listening to me, were you?" She sighs dramatically.  
"Hey, lay off," Will frowns. "She got attacked last night, remember? At least she's still alive."  
Attacked. Huh. That seems so far off now.  
"Sorry," Christina gulps, guilty. "I'm sorry, Tris, I can't believe I forgot."  
"It's okay," I say. "I just think I'm going to be a little distracted for a while."  
"We can deal with that," she says with a smile, reaching across the table to give my hand a squeeze. I smile back.  
It's been hours since I last saw Four- _Tobias_. My simulation was sometime around noon, and now it's evening. We're in the dinner hall, and Four- _Tobias_\- is nowhere to be seen. He has to have seen my aptitude test by now, right? Or can he not find somewhere to watch it where it isn't monitored?  
I somehow manage to participate in halfhearted conversation until somewhere between nine and ten- still no sign of you-know-who- when I reach the limits of my patience.  
"I've got to go," I say, getting up from my seat. "I'm sorry. I just..."  
"We get it, Tris." Christina gives me a sympathetic smile. "You get your rest. We've got a day off tomorrow, too, so you haven't got a thing to worry about."  
_If only that were true_, I think to myself. I smile at her.  
I dash out of the cafeteria as quickly as I can, dodging Al- God, he just had to choose _now_ to try to find me, didn't he?!- and racing up the narrow, stony pathways toward Four's apartment. I skid into place on the doorstep and rap frantically on the door, like a woman wild. Perhaps I am. I bounce from foot to foot as I wait for him to answer.  
When he does, he looks confused, maybe disoriented for a moment. Then his eyes land on me and they go wide.  
"Sorry. I just needed to-" I start. But I don't get to finish, because he hauls my waist up against his and latches his mouth onto mine.  
I melt into the passionate kiss as he pulls me inside with him, locking the door behind us. I wrap my arms around his neck, struggling closer, and he clutches me to him as well as if he can't bear to break away. When we finally have to part for air, our faces are close, looking into each others eyes.  
"I am not going to lose you," he whispers. I see desperation in his eyes.  
"I know," I whisper. "That's why you're going to help me."  
"I _can't_ lose you." The desperation turns wild, frenzied. "I can't live without you, Tris. I love you. I love you too much for that."  
I draw his head back to mine. I have desperation of my own, but right now, it has nothing to do with survival.  
It has been days. Weeks. _Months_. I've moved past wanting him, and now I _need_ him.

Thankfully, from the way he kisses me back and guides me across the room to his bed, it looks like I'm about to get him.

I lay down on my back and Tobias lays on top of me. I welcome his weight, his warmth, and feel his growing arousal against my leg. I feel pulsing between my thighs; oh God, how I need him.

I kiss him almost viciously, gasping for air every time he pulls back. I pull his shirt up over his head and toss it away, my hands running over his muscled abs, his toned back. The pulsing grows stronger.

He rids me of my own shirt, then latches his mouth onto the side of my neck, sucking, hard. I let out a guttural moan, wrapping my legs around him, searching for friction. I grind myself against his bulge and it's his turn to groan.

He unclasps my bra swiftly, as if he's done it a thousand times, and tosses it away. He burns a trail to one breast and takes the nipple into his mouth, sucking and biting until I writhe with want. He does the same to the other one and it's _killing me_. He's _so good _already_._

"Tobias," I groan. He looks up at me through his thick eyelashes, beautiful eyes dark with lust.

"Yes?" Desire has made his voice low and rough. It sends a _zing_ right through my body.

"I need you," I gasp. "_Please_."

He smirks a little, giving me a quick peck, then kisses down to my stomach. He slips his fingers under my waistband, and my skin is _burning_, and he rids me of the last of my clothes. He looks into my eyes as he runs his calloused hands up my thighs, and I let out a sultry moan.

"Please," I gasp. I used to think I was above begging, but this, now, him...

He presses his mouth to my inner thigh, causing another gasp, then runs his tongue all the way up to my womanhood. He presses a gentle kiss there.

"Mmm," he smiles proudly. "You're so wet, Tris."

I can only groan. He's teasing me.

I moan as he runs his tongue up my slit. "Mmm," he says again, his mouth still against my most sensitive area. "I did this to you, did I?"

I choke out some kind of animalistic noise as I nod in response. He smirks and licks me again, harder. My breathing comes hard and fast, littered with moans and gasps as he pleasures me with his tongue. Right when I feel an impossible height, so close to swallowing me like a black hole, he rubs me with a calloused finger and slowly slides it into my depths. I shudder and cry out as ecstasy consumes me. He continues his ministrations, prolonging my orgasm until I still. He climbs up me and grins his cocky grin.

"Wow," I breathe. I smile with everything I have.

"Wow, indeed," he says. "You look so sexy when you come."

I blush a little- some habits never really die, I guess- then tug at his waistband a little.

"Don't be so prude," I say. "Pants off, Eaton. I've missed you."

He smirks again, then obliges. I suck in a breath at his magnificent naked form. Oh yes, how I have missed him- on _so many levels_. He climbs back on top of me, his length searing my skin. He looks me in the eyes, as if questioning our next step.

"Please," I say. "I need to feel you inside me, now. I can't wait any longer."

He leans down to kiss me, deeply, and I melt into him. I feel the tip of him touching to my entrance, hot, hard, even better than I remembered already. I moan as he pushes into me, then freeze as pain shoots through me. I clutch his shoulders a little too hard, and he stops. He freezes at the look of agony twisting my face.

"Oh, shit, Tris! I'm sorry, I forgot, I..."

"Shh! It's okay," I wince, holding him so he can't pull out of me. "I forgot, too."

Remembering having sex before kind of makes you forget that in real life, you're still actually a virgin. _Shit_.

It takes a few minutes of lying still and kissing before the pain starts to fade. The agony is replaced with fullness, which is in itself a pleasure. I start to smile a little, and I nod at Tobias, signaling he can move.

He kisses me again, then slowly slides almost all the way out of me before pushing back in just as slowly. I moan, aching for more, and he grunts with his face contorted.

"So... tight..." he manages, kissing me again.

Slowly, he increases the pace until I'm crying out, barely clinging to sanity. His savage thrusts are met with my own, and I scream my voice hoarse, almost completely blocking out his own groans.

"Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! Tobias!" I keen, clutching his shoulders. "Oh, yes, that feels so good! Yes! Oh... I'm so close..."

"Come for me, Tris," he grunts into my ear, pushing his hard length deep into me.

I scream as I'm lifted to dizzying new heights, convulsing around Tobias's rock-hard shaft and grabbing him at whatever flesh my hands can find. He moans my name in my ear as he empties himself into me, and then we both collapse onto the bed, utterly spent. We try to catch our breath.

"I'm sorry I forgot," he whispers. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

"I know you didn't," I whisper, kissing him gently. "It's okay. I'm fine. It was only for a few minutes, and then it was _so good_. You are really, really good at that, Tobias. I don't know where you got it from, virgin you were and everything, but hot damn."

He laughs, a fulfilled, happy laugh that seems rare to me. My heart sings at the sound.

"I love you," he says. "God, Tris, I love you."

I smile so hard it physically hurts. "I love you, too, Tobias. So much."


	8. No questions

The first thing I see when I wake is the black ink of the flames wrapping around his ribcage, expanding and contracting as he breathes, still sleeping. I smile.  
I dip my head forward and plant a kiss on his chest, on one of the flames. He stirs a little. Smiling, I trail kisses up his chest, over his collarbone, his throat, jaw, cheeks, until I finally reach his lips.

"Hey," he says. His voice is rough from sleep.  
"Good morning," I chirp, planting another quick peck on his lips.  
"Shh," he says with a smirk. "If you don't acknowledge it, it might go away."  
Grinning, I crawl up and press my lips to his. He kisses me back with equal hunger, his hands tangling in my hair, which shrouds our faces like a golden curtain, hiding us from the harsh light of reality. We share a smile. I relish the bliss in his, knowing that I put it there.  
""You better not say we have to get up now," he mumbles, his fingers stroking my cheekbones absentmindedly.  
"But we have things to do..."  
"You appear to be under the illusion that I'm done with you." He flips us over so that he is on top of me, and I am lying in the dent his body formed in the mattress, still warm with his body heat. "I'm not done with you. Not yet."  
"Tobias..." I whine. But my words fall on deaf ears as he starts to kiss my neck, blazing a trail down my body. He's unfortunately convincing.  
"Tobias," I gasp, hoping to persuade him before all my control is gone.  
"Mmm?" He glances up at me, smirking cheekily.  
"We... We need to..."  
"There will be time for everything later," he mumbles, his lips back on my searing skin.  
"And so I believe him.  
"His lips are everywhere, his hands are everywhere, I can't think straight. He puts his mouth on my sex, and I sit up with a gasp. He looks up, questioning.  
I shake my head at him. "No foreplay," I gasp. "I need you, right now. Inside me. Please."  
He lets out a guttural groan as he gets up and positions himself over me. He uses a finger to make sure I'm as ready as I seem to be, then slowly sinks his hardened length into my depths. I moan, arching my back and pushing my hips into his. He's big; I can feel him so deep inside of me.

"Oh, Tobias," I groan, clenching a little.

He moans, burying his face in my neck. "God, Tris," he hisses. "Oh, fuck. We're not going to last long if you do that, baby. Oh, God."

I giggle a little, drawing his face up to kiss him.  
"Sorry," I apologize. "Now, come on. Give it to me, baby."  
He half-groans, half-chuckles, then gives in to my demands and starts a slow in and out pace. I moan into his ear every time he pushes into me, and he grunts every time he draws out.  
"Oh, yeah," I gasp. "Oh, faster, God, baby! Please, I- oh!"  
I throw my head back against the pillows, thrusting my hips up to meet his. "Oh, baby. Oh yeah. Oh, oh, OH!" I wasn't expecting to lose it so soon, but I explode around him, screaming his name and grabbing fistfuls of the sheets.  
When I regain my senses somewhat, he's still pounding in and out of me- fast, but not his frenzied I'm-about-to-come pace. I groan, pulling myself back into the rhythm of his thrusts.  
"Wow," I laugh shakily. "You just keep getting better."  
He smirks at me, then we both groan as one thrust takes on a particularly pleasing angle.  
"Fuck, Tris, I'm close," Tobias grunts.  
"Me, too, baby," I pant. "Oh, you're good."  
We exchange brief words like that for a while until my brain has shut down, and I'm just crying out, desperately searching for release, breathing in pleasure like oxygen. We explode together, then collapse on the bed, his weight anchoring me. This is how it's meant to be.  
"We kind of do need to get up now," I laugh weakly.  
"I need a shower," Tobias says.  
Before I can even say a word, he's out of bed, dragging me with him toward the shower by my hand.  
When we finally manage to drag ourselves out of the shower- me wearing one of Tobias's t shirts- he takes me over to his computer to show me what he managed to work out from the chip I gave him.  
"It works kind of like a movie, or a computer game, now," he explains. "You can watch it in your perspective, my perspective, or neutral perspective- that's the one that's like a movie. I also cut out some of the bits with emus/em in them for that one... So those memories are only for us."  
"I love it," I say, kissing him briefly. "You're so smart." I run my hands over the Erudite part of his tattoo, my lips on the shell of his ear.  
""You're welcome to check it out, if you want," he offers. "I've seen it in your perspective, so there's no reason why you shouldn't see it in mine."  
"Sounds fun," I say. "Do you want me to make breakfast?"

"You let me handle breakfast," he says with a wink.  
When I surface from the simulation, I make my way over to him in the kitchen. He's still making breakfast- the simulation doesn't last for as long as it feels. I wrap my arms around his waist and bury my face between his shoulder blades.

""Good?" He asks me. "Are you satisfied with my thought processes?"  
""Always," I murmur. He chuckles, then turns in my grasp and slowly kisses me. I smile.  
"I think our relationship will be better this way," he muses. "Not just because we've seen inside each other's heads, so we understand each other better. Also because we know what we could lose, and everything."  
"Yeah," I agree, grinning. "I love you."  
"I love you, too."  
We kiss again, before he turns back to the food on the stove, not wanting it to burn.  
"What're you making?" I ask, leaning around him to see.  
"Bacon," he says with a smirk. "I'm not going to let you go through life as a bacon virgin."  
"You're not going to let me go through life as an anything virgin," I mutter. He smirks.  
We share breakfast together- it's just as good as he thinks it is- then lounge on the couch to discuss our options going forward.

"We need to take down Jeanine, if we have any hope stopping this war," Tobias says. "But before we plan that out, we need to get to the Abnegation."  
"I think you're right," I say. "That was my whole point in choosing Dauntless again; to get the muscles and the skill I need to save them. And you, of course." He smiles. "But still... There's unfinished business at Dauntless that needs to be dealt to. And I don't fancy the idea of us splitting up to complete that. Which means we need to let someone else- or several someone elses- in on the whole conspiracy."

He nods. "Luckily, we know one or two people we can trust, hmm?"

We decide on Christina, Zeke, Will and Uriah. We can't trust Al, not after what we've seen of him. Lynn doesn't believe in Divergents (and might get salty about the fact she was shot), and we don't know where Marlene stands on the issue. The safer we are, the better. Now I just have to get them to come.

"I won't take long," I promise Tobias. "I'll tell Christina, and she can bring the others."

Does she even know Uriah and Zeke?" Tobias asks, wrinkling his nose.

She's a big girl," I say. "I'm sure she can handle it."

He nods, then pulls me in for another kiss. I don't care about the agony of the last few months, of being so distant from him, yet so close; I don't care about the agony of our separations during the premonition, that I have experienced twice now. I only care about him.

I manage to pull away before we've wasted too much time, and give him one final farewell before slipping out the door.

I slip out of the deserted hallways, and pad around the pit until I spot Christina. I make my way over, and she waves as she spots me. "Hey, Tris!" she says cheerily. "Feeling better today?"

Yeah," I say. "I-"  
"Did you go training, or something? You weren't in the dorm any of the times I was. I mean, I thought you were leaving to sleep last night, but you weren't even in there."  
"Look, that doesn't matter." I've never noticed how much Christina talks until I had something important to say. "I need you to do something for me."  
"Is it beat the snot out of Peter and his minions?" She asks enthusiastically. "Because I would definitely do that for you, Tris."  
"No," I say, resisting an eye roll. "One of the things is not to ask questions."  
The humor drains from her expression. Serious.  
"Okay," she says uncertainly.  
"The other thing, is to bring Will and Zeke and Uriah to this address at ten thirty tonight."  
I slip her the directions to Tobias's apartment and she frowns. "What- why? Who's apartment is that? Who's Uriah and Zeke?"  
"Uriah's the Dauntless-born from our paintball team," I remind her. "Zeke's his brother. Dark skin. Sense of humor. Not too hard to find, I suspect."  
"Okay, but... why? Tris, what's going on?"  
"I can't tell you that here. No questions, remember?" I smile and squeeze her shoulder. "See you then. Don't tell anyone else about this."  
I turn on my heel and dash in the direction I came before she can respond.

* * *

A little part of me is worried that Christina won't show up, but the rest of me relies on her nosy Candor curiosity. Thankfully, at ten thirty on the dot, we hear timid chatter, careful footsteps, and a tentative knock on the door.

"You ready?" I ask Tobias in a whisper.

He squeezes my shoulder. "Ready as I'll ever be. You get the door, I'll... try not to look too intimidating."

I chuckle a little, and go to peek around the door. Christina, Will, Uriah and Zeke are huddled there in wait.

"Hey," I say. "Thanks for coming."

"Coming for what?" Zeke asks.

"You'll see," I reply. "Come in."

They file in nervously, looking left to right until their eyes widen and land on Tobias.

"Four," Christina gasps. Then she turns to me. "You invited him too? What's going on?"

"This is his apartment," I reply. "Besides, he's as much a part of this as I am."

"Not quite," he corrects me, trying a nervous-looking smile. "But... partly."

I turn back to the four very scared looking initiates and offer to let the, sit on the couch. I lock the door- I was really doing it to keep people out, but it appears to alarm the others, though they don't say anything. Maybe they think that this is a test of bravery, or even a simulation.

"I asked the four of you here tonight because I know that I can trust you," I say. "Don't ask me how I know that yet; I'll explain. I'll explain everything.  
"First of all. You guys know what Divergents are, right?"  
Uriah looks faintly terrified at the word, and I faintly remember that he is one. The others nod, and he masks his expression before doing the same.  
"What is said in here does not leave this room," I say seriously. I look, left, then right, as if someone could be listening. "Now. Do you know what a _Premonition_ is?"  
Everyone looks utterly clueless at this. They shake their heads, and I jump in to explain.  
"Divergents are one in a hundred people. Very rare. But out of those people, only one in a hundred of _them_ are Premonitions. One in a million. Divergents have aptitude for two factions; Premonitions tend to have aptitude for three, I think. Incredibly rare and stupidly dangerous. I am a Premonition."  
Christina sucks in a gasp. "You're Divergent?"  
"I'm Premonition, yes. With Divergents, they are aware during simulations, and they can manipulate the simulations. Premonitions have that as well, but after the simulation should be over, it continues in what is known as a Premonition dream, showing what would have happened next if they had actually woken up."  
"You can see the future?" Will asks, frowning. "That's _impossible_."  
"No, it isn't," I say. "The future isn't set in stone, that's all. You can change it. That's what I'm trying to do. The aptitude test..." I suck in a deep breath. "I saw my entire life in the aptitude test. I only have a couple of months- or I did, when I didn't know about it. So many people were lost. And I need you four to help me, fix everything."  
"How?" Uriah asks with a frown.  
"Watch this, for a start," Tobias says, gesturing to the monitor. "I've got enough electrodes to hook you all up to the data. It will play out like a movie. Just watch it, and we can talk after."  
The four of them look skeptical.  
"Look, guys, I know it's a lot to ask," I say, "but this is really, really important. Please. I believe in you."  
They thaw out of their frozen state a little, and nod. Tobias hooks them up with the electrodes, starts the data, and sits back with an arm around my shoulders.  
It's too late to go back now. They'll know, everything, forever.  
They'll know.


	9. Stay safe

**A/n: Apologies for all the difficulties, it keeps uploading funny. Let me know if I did it again, I'll try not to but no promises. I'm also going to try to get a little better on my smut scenes...! Enjoy the chapter (hopefully readable now!)**

It feels like an eternity before the four of them surface from the simulation. I expect all Hell to break loose, but they're in quiet shock. Nobody speaks for the longest time.  
"You died," Christina whispers quietly. I don't know which of us she's talking to, but seeing as it's true for half of us, nobody answers.  
That's when Zeke looks up at Tobias, so suddenly it makes me jump.  
"Tobias Eaton," he says. "That's your name? That's why you left Abnegation?" He shakes his head before Tobias can answer. "Sorry. I'm sorry... that's not important. I'm just... struggling with this."  
"It's okay," Tobias says. "It's a lot to take in. We're sorry, we know that. But this is important."  
"So..." Will frowns. "This is so confusing. That's what would have happened if we didn't know it was going to happen? And now that we know, we need to change it?"  
"Yes," I say, nodding. "We have a plan, and we need your help with it."  
Christina shakes her head, as if to clear it, then nods at me. "Okay," she says. "Tell us what we can do."  
I take a deep breath, even though it's not logical to be nervous anymore. I feel Tobias's hand on my shoulderblade, soothing me, and though everyone's eyes are glued to the contact, it works. I breathe again.  
"Tobias and I are leaving," I say. "We're going to the Factionless, then we're going to Abnegation. We're going to try and save them, but we have unfinished business here in Dauntless we need you guys to take care of. And before you ask, Uriah, we're not really in a position to allow you to train the rest of the initiates."  
Uriah closes his mouth and slumps back. "Damn," he pouts.  
"We need you to plant bodies," I say. "Fake our deaths, so no one is suspicious. Don't let anyone suspect you, either."  
The four of them nod.  
"Is that all?" Will asks, frowning.  
I shake my head. "You need to be on constant lookout for simulation serum. The attack serum that the Erudite controlled the Dauntless with. If you find it, find a way to destroy it, or swap it, or something. Don't let the Dauntless be injected with it."  
"Do you want me to get hacking?" Zeke asks, making a typing motion with his fingers. "I could message Jeanine, pretending to be Max or Eric."  
Tobias pauses, then shakes his head. "It's too risky. Just keep in contact with us, okay? I've got a chip with my personal data that I can access through the Factionless computers. The code is #370057."  
Zeke nods. "#370057. Got it."  
"I think that's everything," I say hesitantly, looking back at Tobias as if for reassurance. "We'd better go, then. Stay safe, okay?"  
"We'll try," Uriah says.

* * *

Tobias takes my hand and squeezes it reassuringly as we reach the train platform.  
"We can take a stupidly long train ride," he says, "or, we can climb off this building and shimmy our way to the ground under the tracks."  
I raise my eyebrows at him. "Train ride," I say, slowly and deliberately. He laughs and puts his arm around me, kissing the top of my head.  
It doesn't take long for the train to arrive. I make sure to pull myself in first, so I can watch Tobias do the same. His muscles contract, tensing to pull him in. Desire burns within me, and I lick my lips as visibly as I can. He smirks in return.  
He sits next to me, his arm around my shoulders, and I lean into him, relaxing.  
"You can try to get some sleep, Love," he says. "It's a long ride. The trains only go around the city in one direction, so we have to take them almost in a full circle before we can make it to Factionless."  
"You can sleep, too," I say with a yawn.  
"I will," he assures me, cradling me close. I snuggle deeper into his embrace. I could cry with the relief I feel right now. Instead, I grasp him by the jaw and draw his mouth down to mine, parting his lips with my own. He slides his hand into my hair and kisses me softly, gently, lovingly. I kiss him harder, moving to straddle his lap.  
We kissed this way on the train once before, technically; before he told me about Erudite's plans against the Abnegation. But there wasn't so much between us then. We weren't so tightly wound, then. We were new, we were shy, we were tentative. Now we are bold; we are almost desperate, pulling at each other, pushing closer to find we are as close as we can get. Fear creeps into my every thought, and I cling to him, the only thing left that can stabilize me.  
He pushes me back, gently, and frowns at me. He brushes his fingers over my cheeks, collecting the moisture there; I hadn't even realised I was crying. I sniff and wipe my own eyes.  
"I'm sorry," I say. "Everything's just happening too fast. Not with us, just... just everything."  
He nods, as if he understands, and draws me close to him, holding me against him. It's so comforting, draws me back to so many other times, I can't help but let loose. I cry into his shoulder, holding him tight while I sob uncontrollably. He held me like this in Amity, after my parents had died; he held me like this is Abnegation, in the tub, after I'd first told him I loved him.  
The monster of grief is devouring me already, before I've ever even really lost anything.  
We've swung past the jump off outside Erudite headquarters by the time my sobs have died down. He strokes my back, waiting patiently for me to calm myself. I take in a deep breath, inhaling his scent, and manage to get control of myself a little more.  
"Sorry," I breathe shakily.  
"Don't be," he whispers. Last time he told me that, his voice was stern; now, it's just plain soft. "Besides, this has happened before, hasn't it?"  
"You always put up with me when I'm a mess," I say, managing a shaky laugh.  
"I like that I make you feel comfortable enough to cry around me," he says, nuzzling me a little. "You don't show any weakness to anyone else. Even that night I saved you from the chasm- the time in the Premonition- you cried in front of me. You wouldn't have done that with Christina, or anyone."  
I've never thought about it like that before, but now that he says it, I suppose it's true.  
"I love you," I say. "More than anyone else. You're way more special to me than they are, of course you get special privilege's like dealing with me when I'm a blubbering mess."  
He smiles, then leans in to kiss me softly.  
"I love you, too," he whispers. "Also more than anyone else, of course, not that that means so much coming from me. Now get some sleep, okay? We've got a lot to do in the morning."  
I nod, then rest my head on his chest. The steady beat of his heart lulls me to sleep.


End file.
